I've definitely been slacking with the blogs again these days. Its mostly down to a lack of motivation, and also being pre-occupied with setting off on my travels and the whole business surrounding that.
So, its Tuesday night and I will be leaving next Monday, its still sinking in to be honest and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it all. Obviously it's what I've been waiting for but I can't help but doubt myself as to whether I'm prepared for it, both mentally and physically. It seems to have only just sunk into my girlfriend as well, which is also playing its part in making me slightly uneasy about leaving.
But then I remember why I'm going and why I've wanted to go for so long... 'that world hunger and poverty could be removed from the face of the planet if only 10% of the USA military budget was used for such purposes.' and other such quotes fit quite perfectly.
You get the jist, its my own little 'Into The Wild', its my own version of 'On the Road', I want to be Jack Supertramp, Chris Kerouac and all my literary heroes. However it seems most idea's like this have been realised and it's old news for people to get out there and do some extraordinary shit with their lives. But even if it has all been done, it must have been done so many times for a reason.
I have one phrase that I'm gonna try to emphasise to myself on my travels...'Get out there and find some truth'. I'm going away because I don't want to have to put up with shit tv, shit conversation, spending money on things I don't need, wasteful, ignorant, self-obsessed people and media driven propaganda. Going to southern Spain will most certainly not do anything about this, but hopefully I will learn ways in which to put up with them or fight against them.
Me seeking this 'enlightment', if you will, is an interesting subject in itself. With me having lived with and worked with mentally handicapped students for nearly half my life, I have watched them, interacted with them and learnt from them. One aspect of the differences between me and one of the more severely autistic students that I think is particularly interesting is the seeking, or obtaining of happiness.
Now you could go into extra depth on what happiness is and so forth, but lets just take that word as it is. Happiness, having a good time, achieving, etc. For me it seems the only way it can be achieved is by constantly striving towards a greater goal. Be it getting better at skateboarding, writing more, or travelling further afield taking the road less travelled, I am constantly after the happiness, and I suppose if this is the case, I probably won't find it any time soon. Sure, I will have some damn good times along the way (I hope), and I might even take these statements back at some point. But the guy who stands outside on the lawn, and twiddles the blades of grass between his fingers, watching them float away on the breeze, whilst making high pitched noises, seems to be having a better time than I am whenever I see him.
Does happiness exist? Or is it something made up to be twisted into whatever form it takes...? Big house, nice car? Hitch-hiking, meeting new people? Watching grass fall? Maybe I'll try all and decide afterwards..